Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 of Something Super - The End

I am writing about this film, even though EVERYONE else is also writing about it.  I have nothing original to say about Breaking Dawn, I am sure, but its always easier to rip a film apart and be negative and hyper-critical...easier and therefore more fun.  I didn't want to miss my chance to jump on THAT bandwagon.  Honestly, I just want to get this post over with.

Let me begin with this bold statement:
NO I HAVE NOT READ THE G.D. BOOKS. so stop asking me
Yes, thank you, that bold statement was actually in bold.

Ok So, Don't read this if you don't want confirmation that yes yes they get married and yes yes the have the much anticipated and longed for coupling.  Yes, Jacob is so very sad, and Bella is so very mumbly and nonverbal, while Edward is so very dreamy.  And everyone else gets there little cameo's too, and fill in the cracks in an otherwise unworkable screenplay.

Here is the deal:
The dialogue is of no substance.
The acting is infantile, angsty, uncomfortable and melodramatic.
The plot is packed to the ceiling with family values subtext.
The direction is so weak, I couldn't help but wonder if they just used a robot.
The CGI was woeful. If you have seen it...the scene with the wolves (you know what I'm talking about).
...and no one got naked. 

Yet, the audience - packed to the rafters with Twihards - screeched in delight as the film opened with Taylor "Daffy" Lautner ripping his shirt off and running toward the camera like a teenage wet dream.  They screeched again as the film ended with Bella reawakening as a vampire.  This leads me to conclude that we the audience of theTwilight series don't care about substance or artifice or any of that crap, we just wanna see the hot kids do sexy stuff. Whether you are a tween, a teenager, a 20 something or an actual seasoned adult, sometimes it fun to let go and embrace the melodrama of the teenage realm - the urgency and immortality of youth; the lusty silences of first love; the silly decisions made by the unrequited and rejected. 

In conclusion: this movies blows serious chunks, but for you, the Twilight fan, are getting EXACTLY what you have been waiting for.